


Why was the guinea pig upset with his job... i didn't pay enough celery

by PunkPocahontas



Series: Where you can't get what you want but you can get me [6]
Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/F, F/M, I suck at writing, M/M, Patrick secretly loves his job, Why Did I Write This?, don't quit your day job olivia, everyone owns a guinea pig or two in this for some reason, guinea pigs, hot damn, living potaoes, lots of bisexuals, lots of fluff, lots of of gay, pansexuals, so fat, some guinea pigs should really go on diets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 13:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4265805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkPocahontas/pseuds/PunkPocahontas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick prays for a quick death every time someone asks him what his job is</p>
<p>the cuddly cavy care center </p>
<p>It sounds like he works in a bad anime</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why was the guinea pig upset with his job... i didn't pay enough celery

**Author's Note:**

> did you get the joke in the title? celery salary haha ahh i love it
> 
> found on jokes4us.com
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO I KNOW I HAVE MANY OTHER THINGS TO UPDATE BUT GOSH DARNIT I LOVE GUINEA PIGS AND BAND MEMBERS ! I NEEDED TO WRITE THIS OUR I WOULD BE ABLE TO GO ON LIVING

I open the door to the care center as quietly as possible, praying to god as well. I make it halfway to my desk when Bowie decides he isn't fast enough and starts to complain. Loudly. I'm almost deafened as the quiet is broken by wheeks and squeaks and cries of guinea pigs wanting fed, held, attention, to see another pig and or eat their food and play with their toys. I really do try to be exasperated by the tiny creatures but i can't! They are guinea pigs for fucks sake! SO CUTE AND FAT! I set my stuff down on my desk and go to flick on the lights. The center is illuminated to show the store half and the half that everyone calls the zoo. 

The store half has everything you would need for a guinea pig. Toys, food, medicine, treats, vitamins, cages, little houses... like i said anything you would need. 

The zoo was more of 2/3 of the store. On one wall was guinea pigs that needed adopted and fostered. The other wall is the guinea pigs that were living here temporarily while their owners were away or moving, pretty much like sleep away camp. Unfortunately sometimes the temporary residents become permanent with owners never coming back or not being able to find a livable place for their furry friends to stay with them at. The sicks guinea pigs are in the back room where the vet office is also located. In between the two walls is a giant pen nicknamed the coliseum. We release all the caged pigs into to the pen and as the day goes on people sign in at my desk and add their guinea pig in to play and socialize. 

Its the best thing to watch when your sad. or happy. Really anytime. 

All the happy,weird noises coming from potato shaped animals just makes you feel good. 

I try not to let that get me down, repeating over and over in my head that the guinea pigs will find good homes and are safe here until then. I go to open the carrier i carried in, revealing my three guinea pigs who immediately made their selves home on my desk as they do every morning. Prince automatically begins eating, purring happily. Elton John yells at me till i pick him up and Bowie curls up in the blush bed at the end of my desk. The three of them live on my desk and the open cage connected to it while i answer phones, sort problems, set appointments, approve adoptions, and accept the poor pigs that are turned in. 

I'm not the only one who works here of course

Spencer runs the cash register for the store

Andy is the veterinarian

Joe owns the center and helps me wrangle pigs out of the coliseum 

but we all have one goal- Happy and healthy guinea pigs 

\----------

The doors are open and the day is starting out amazingly. I'm at the coliseum currently try to catch a rascally cavy named Kevin for his owner. Who's name is also Kevin. I don't ask. 

" Thanks for watching Kevin for me while i was in the Bahamas, I really appreciate it"

" That's what we're here for!" I smile and head back to my desk. After Kevin signs Kevin out and leaves, it's just me and the musical trio. Many people have said what caught their eyes about the center was the playground my desk was, which was situated right in front of the big glass doors. Good thing guinea pigs are natural attention whores and mine are no different. I smile as i watch Prince and Bowie chases each other over my desk and into the cage making Elton snap at both of them as he ate his hay.

I wave at Dan and Phil as they bribing in their pigs, Little lion and Steven, in for their daily play date. As Phil signs in Dan happily asks for a boarding form

" Where are you guys going?"

" Our wedding!" Phil grins

" Congratulations!! Of course Steven and Little lion can stay here!" 

" We are picking them up right after though for the honeymoon!!" Dan says excitedly and then gives Steve a kiss on the head before reaching over Phil to give Little lion one as well. Phil pouts so Dan gives him a kiss too.

" Yep i couldn't imagine the honeymoon without them" Phil smiles 

Everyone at the center knew that Dan and Phil met because Dan was playing with Steven at the coliseum when Phil came in to adopt a new guinea pig after his died. Phil started to cry when he saw Steven who unfortunately looked just like his recently departed cavy. Dan comforted him, letting him hold Steven and then helping him pick out Little lion. They have been together ever since.

Guinea pigs made amazing wing men

\-------

" Woah dude! Are those yours!!!" I look up from trying to wrestle my paper away from Bowie to see a blond haired man almost vibrating with excitement over the trio who have taken notice and soon going to being taking offence if the man doesn't pet them soon 

" Yeah they're mine. Elton John is sandy colored one. The one with the long wavy black and white hair is Prince and the white one with brown fringe over its eye is Bowie" I answer pointing each one out

" Oh my god!!! They have amazing names and they are so cute!!!! Brendon Urie looks at these guinea pigs right now! Oh my god! They get to come to work with you too!! THAT'S SO COOL! BRENDON!!!!" 

Brendon isn't even there anymore instead he's talking to Spencer in a way that makes both of them look very ready to spend some alone time together. Damn. Brendon is smooth. 

" You can pick them up, they are actually getting a little pissed cause you haven't yet" at that Pete gasps and picks up Prince as carefully as you would a baby. I immediatly take the other two knowing a tantrum would be coming if they aren't treated equally. 

" I saw movement on your desk and i asked brendon " what's are those round moving things?" and he was like " i don't know lets go check, Pete" I'm Pete by the way! Hi Patrick! but now i know he only said that to talk to that guy over there but" The stops his rambling long enough to take a deep breathe but never pausing in his stroking of a purring Prince " now that i know these are here i can never leave" 

I can't help but grin at this man in front of me " Well if you would put Prince down then i could show something awesome"

" BETTER THEN THIS!!" Pete exclaims as i put my pigs down and pull out treats making them all literally jump with joy. " The only place better then your desk is your bedroom" 

\----

If i though i was going to drop dead at Pete's comment, i really thought i was going to have to call Pete an ambulance when he saw the coliseum. Joe unfortunately saw the whole fiasco and wouldn't let either of us let it down so i told Marie, Joe's wife who loved everyone. So since Marie was pregnant and that meant Joe did whatever she wanted the topic was dropped. I got back at Joe though when i told Pete about the time Andy styled Spud and Alfred , Joe and Marie's guinea pigs, to look exactly like Joe's hair which made him scream because he thought he was losing his " luscious locks" Pete and i couldn't stop laughing for a solid ten minutes. I had never thought i could have such a good time with someone i just meant but you know sometimes its good to be wrong. 

That was two months ago, Pete has been back everyday since then sometimes even with me in the morning after he... stayed over at my place. Today he looks kinda nervous

" Pete, babe what's up?" 

" I want to adopt" 

"That's great!"

"Really?'

"of course! Why wouldn't it be?" 

"I'm known for not being responsible" Pete looks miserable 

I go and kiss him which brings a smile to his face " I'll help you if you even need it because you're great with my pigs and you practically live with me" I grab his hand and drag him towards the cages " Come on lets go pick you some friends"

\---------

" Vodka and Tequila you better get along with the trio cause from now on you are going to be quintet" Pete smiles like a proud mother as the animals sniff each other out 

" I still can't believe you named your guinea pigs after alcoholic drinks" i laugh followed by a sigh of relief when the musical trio accepts Pete's alcoholic duo making them the perfect Friday night quintet.

Pete doesn't technically work at the center but that doesn't stop him from sitting beside me at my desk for hours helping me out and just being in a constant state of awe over the guinea pigs. I couldn't be happier and when i tell Pete that he kisses me back sweetly. Pete is about to make things more heated when

" SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME! I THINK HE'S DYING!"


End file.
